Best self

blaze a trail.

I am part of a global women's coaching group and I went to look back today at the intention I set at the beginning of the year: "I will blaze a courageous trail through the forests of my life." I am thrilled and proud to say that I think I did that, in my own style, always learning along the way. AND I invented a hashtag that I need to remember to use Happy #‎growoutloud

My wish for you in the coming year- to continue on this beautiful and crazy journey with me, and live with a heart wide open! Much love, joy, and strength to you in 2016!

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live for yourselves.

Another old find (love this notepad's message too, something I struggle with constantly, sleep, which will be another post soon!) and great quote from Emerson. I find this to be true, that it is easy and natural for me to extend my energy outward, and as a giver, I always want to be right there helping others. It takes strength to pull myself back in and say no, just for now, so that I can say yes to myself, because my life needs me. When I do it, it feels good and right. And actually, it is how I will be able to help the most people anyway, focused on what I need to do to bring forth my best work and self. So even though my preference is to live for others, I really enjoy going inward and living for myself, and hope to work on this more.


phsssssoto

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heart wide open.

This is interesting to get my mind around, or at least try to articulate. After years of work and babysteps (my favorite thing ever), I’m getting very close to “returning to myself”. What does this mean?

For me, it means being able to be my authentic self in 99% of situations, including work, family, etc. I like myself and who I am, no apologies. I spent years running and hiding from the true me, even if subtly at times. Years tamping down my brilliance, sparkle, radiance, energy, light, boldness, vibrancy, joy, fun. Censoring what I really think, fighting against my core values, being with people who sapped my energy instead of lifting me up.
 
It has been a slow crawl of a process of releasing perfectionism, not waiting until things are perfect to show my face, learning how to show my face when it is imperfect, flawed, messy, loud, “too much” at times. I created a new hashtag recently that I love and have been weaving through my life: #growoutloud

The simple secret is that life is really really fucking short. Too short. Heartbreakingly short.
 
I want to dance! Laugh. Smile. Feel light. Be with the ones I love. Why do we let all these other “shoulds” and stressors cloud our way to joy? Life. It takes what it takes. Youth is wasted on the young, as
Greenberg says. Haha… bittersweetly true. As skin start to sag, wrinkle, get bumpy and sunspotty, inner radiance, wisdom, and beauty grows stronger, more stable and confident- so ironic. Happy
 
It has happened in the smallest of ways, unfolding a day, week, month, year, years at a time, peeling back the onion layers, slowly lightening the heavy load we choose to carry, think we are supposed to carry. After a few years of quiet, I can hear my heartbeat, and my song humming. The music has returned, my zeal and thirst for learning is piqued, and I’m hungry for the stuff of being present and available. I’m here, and it feels good.  
 
My friends can see it way better than I can. It is invaluable to have witnesses to go through life with, who can tell you how you are doing when you don’t know and can’t see… they have seen this growth and change and transformation and help me know I’m heading in the right direction. They don’t judge me for taking so long. I’ve learned to gently stand up for what I believe in, to be firm and still kind, to hold people and love them for exactly who they are at any given moment (always continually working on that one Happy).
 
I’m finally doing work I really care about and connect to deeply, and that is so important to me. Since doing it, all kinds of other good things have flowed from this.
 
People can see light in us that we often can’t see.
 
If I have 38 years of being half asleep, and 5 years of being awake, I’ll take that any day over 100 years half asleep. I’m really looking forward to what’s next for me.
 
Here is the deal- the world actually WANTS you to be your truest self! It seems incredible, I know. We are our own worst enemies.
 
It’s all love. Here and now, and forever more. Embrace who you are. Others are so eager to also. Let it happen and open your heart. Watch out- blazing suns ahead! Happy

 

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inspiring person of the week.

Greg Long is a big wave surfer and human role model. Not only is he very easy on the eyes Laugh, but his energy, heart, genuineness, and perspective are so appealing. So incredibly wise for 30 years old! I've been a fan of him since I started following surfing, and I love what he had to say in the August 2013 issue of Surfer magazine, when he shared in the aftermath of a three wave hold down ordeal that nearly killed him:

"My goal in life is to constantly keep improving in every aspect and facet, not just surfing. The amazing thing about this life is that there's an infinite number of possibilities that could direct you into a whole different place than you'd ever thought you would be. I never took for granted the amount of amazing people and experiences and opportunities that I had from surfing. But, what really matters is my family, my friends, and my health and well-being, as well as all of theirs. The ultimate goal is just to be happy and content. So if it carries forward in surfing, that's beautiful. If it happens in some other avenue in life for me, then I'm still gong to be happy and content."


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limitless potential.

Welp, here are some random scraps that I jotted down here to reflect on later... rather than reflect, I shall let them speak for themselves. Happy

POTENTIAL. The opportunity to explore our limitless potential. Happy Blog! I'm excited!
Haha, classic Val starter excitement and closing problem! I will leave this here as a placeholder for me to come back and explore this idea further, because it sounds really cool to write about. For now what I will say is, I get these little glimpses of what a heart wide open, best and most conscious life lived might be like. They are electric jolts and shivers down my body, the tingles, felt in a location visited, time with an inspiring kindred spirit, in the flow doing something I love. There is some sort of block to accessing this place fully, and certainly not all the time... like if I'm fully realized... then what? Kind of thing. That might be the block.

But why not do a lot more of the things I love to do? On purpose, intentionally? Because they are not happening on autopilot and habit. I need to make it a practice to incorporate more awesome and fun and satisfying things into my schedule on a regular basis. I'm the only one who can do it!

And, from some girl(s) movie: 

“The shitty part for the other people in your life is no matter how painful it is for them, when you’re a writer, you just can’t let shit go, you have to study it, and poke it, turn it over and investigate it incessantly..." Oh so true!!

For me, its about finding relational order with everything in my life, a term shared with me by my previous naturopath doctor, who we affectionately call PhD dude- he suggested that I need to have relational order, and how it is tied to science of who we are as a person, and that I won't stop until I get there, much to the chagrin of the normies in my life...


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