coming around again.

The itsy bitsy spider... you’ll have to excuse me, most of the words that flow through my noggin are lyrics from a poignant song by Carly Simon, awash with feelings of familiar family nostalgia, heard so many times growing up, sung by a woman who’s voice and words always seem to ring true. I’m coming around again. Pain as a motivator. But only sort of. There are other motivators too, like the realization tonight that the reason this is the year (2nd year actually) of the nun is because I don’t need to be falling in love with anyone but myself. That is quite enough for one person to handle.

So, that is what I’m going to try to do. I’ve avoided it in one way or another for a very long time. But there is no going around it this time. It just makes me so darn sad, looking at pictures of a fragile yet unbelievably tough girl, feeling for a fleeting moment what others feel for her and see in her, and then quickly shutting that off, heaping up the compliments in the “compliment pile” for later reading, and most importantly, digesting. Why all the self-punishment? Is this the Charlotte Perkins Gilman Protestant guilt or some shit? It has gone on for long enough, that is for sure.

Yes, there is fear, and the fear of having to walk through that fear. And the fear of what is on the other side. But this is my journey after all, only mine, and only I can be the one to walk through it and see what it is all about. I owe it that much. So, here goes. I’m really glad you are here with me, holding my hand.

Val_101 - Version 2
owning-our-story.html

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