one thing that scares you.

Do one thing each day that scares you. Please raise your hand if you are doing this. That is what I thought! (I didn't raise my hand either!) We get stuck in patterns, habits, ruts of daily living, "comfortable," and it can be hard to STOP, assess, and evaluate if where you are going is where you want to be going!

Note it doesn't say, what are you afraid of. We certainly think enough about our fears. It says DO something that scares you. This flies in the face of that fear we experience! Time to stop taking a backseat in your life!

Today's one thing I did that scared me? Wore white jeans to work! ;D
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surf.

I've developed a voyeuristic interest in surfing and surf culture lately, spurred somewhat from the inspirational story of Bethany Hamilton in Soul Surfer, and have watched other films since then, such as Chasing Mavericks, Blue Crush and Beautiful Wave. Cheesier depictions perhaps, but good enough for me. I've researched the stories of these legends, and have been endlessly fascinated with the way they live their lives.

I was considering what interests me about it, since I've never surfed, and I'm not sure if I plan to. I'm a strong swimmer and have always loved the water. I love sailing and boating. I've bodysurfed plenty, mostly as a fearless kid with my Dad in the cold Atlantic ocean, and have felt the panic of being knocked down by sets of waves at a time, discombobulated, not knowing which direction is up. I've lost my bikini top as a teenager, crawling out of the water on my stomach, so embarrassed and awkward. I've waited, heart pounding, for my Dad's bald head to bob up in the water as a sign he is OK. I've lost my nerve as I've gotten older and have become more risk-averse for sure, opting to stay on the shore most times, or just getting wet.

Mostly though, I just have a love affair with the ocean. It is one of my most favorite places to be, where I feel so small, and yet incredibly grounded and peaceful. I love the color. I like hearing the waves and smelling the water and the salty sea air. Also there's such mystery and power in its vastness. It breeds adventurers and seekers. The fact that there are people who spend the majority of their time in the water chasing their bliss as a hobby is thrilling to me, and something I feel like supporting.

I picked up
surfer magazine recently, and I gotta say I love reading it. I actually know many of the names mentioned now and can understand and visualize most of the descriptive jargon. Seeing jaw-dropping photos of big wave surfers in their element is like art I want to hang on my wall. In fact, I've torn out a couple particularly breathtaking pages to stare at. Surfing world, please welcome your newest fan.

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i always feel like somebody's watching me

This week started off with bang. I was at a local coffee shop this weekend, and a strange guy was not reading his newspaper, and blatantly staring at me instead. I thought maybe he was interested in what was on my screen, so I angled away from him a tad and ignored him. When some people to my left vacated their table, this person and his newspaper quickly got up and moved to their place, and I felt my bag move as he brushed by me. I adjusted it back up on my chair and kept typing.

All of a sudden a patron sitting in front of me jumped up, grabbed the newspaper on the guy's table, and revealed my wallet underneath! He quickly told him to get out. It all happened so fast... exciting I have to say! He had seen him grab it out of my bag when he went by. I'm so grateful to him- I never would have thought twice about it if he hadn't been
watching me! I thanked him on my way out, and he said he didn't think he was after my money, but rather was trying to stalk me. !!!! He had been watching the whole time, watching him watch me, and had even said something to the cafe staff about it. When he threw him out, the barista ran after him. It all caused quite a stir! When I thought it was about money, I laughed it off, and joked about how I didn't have anything for him to steal. This was much more unsettling!

Coincidentally, this kicked off a very lean week financially for me, so I'm seeing how far I can stretch the contents of my fridge and cupboards, by playing
Lynne Rosetto Kasper's game of "what can I make with these 5 ingredients"... wish me luck!

Oh e-cards, so good for a quick cackle...

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back in the saddle again

Since I got this fantastic IKEA Norden birch table (with hidden leaf):

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I’ve camped out in my living room and have used it every day for projects, bill paying, computing, and life. The downside to this is that my office has been feeling a bit neglected! So, now that the newness of it has worn off a little, I’ve officially moved back into my office, and I’m rearing to go!

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survivor.

Being chronically ill can be extremely isolating. Since my Crohn’s has been in remission and my fistula plug repair in Dec. 2010, I’ve been slowly trying to catch my breath from 23 years of severe disease, with very little moments of respite in between. I started experiencing hair loss and what seemed to be hypothyroidism not long after, seemingly because of fatigue from living in survival mode for so long.

One year ago, I had my first aura migraine ever, and have experienced them nearly every day since. Migraines bring on GI symptoms, which can impact my Crohn’s - lots of vicious cycles in this delicate dance.


These daily struggles have kept me just doing what I can to put one foot in front of the other, some days, weeks, months and years better than others, and as a result I haven’t had the time or bandwidth to do many of the things I truly love- connect with my loved ones, and have fun. I’m working on this!

I have so much gratitude for my people who have hung in there with me whatever life brings. It’s a privilege to grow and learn together. Baby steps on the journey to happy destiny...

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My loving Dad, Mom, and my one & only Grandma.

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getting quiet.

I get the feeling that life is keeping my world resoundingly quiet at the moment (and mostly throughout my time here in Greensboro) to allow me the opportunity to listen for what’s next. It can feel a bit lonely at times, but it is also the promise of a future that is wide open, and as bright as I desire it to be!

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